I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
