dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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