your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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