Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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