Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
