Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
