You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
third nipple confirmed
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
