Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
