I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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