OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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