I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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