True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
