Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
