Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
nutella sex= disaster
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
