god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I want a musical about memes.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
