She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
