It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
