i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
