Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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