Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
