I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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