Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
