I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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