Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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