this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
