Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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