Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
