I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
