I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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