The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The best revenge is premature balding
my being single is dangerous.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
