just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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