D3 body, D1 cock
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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