So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
