just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
