This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
