May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
