i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
