Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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