He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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