I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
These tits shall not be calmed
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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