I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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