i need an iv and a liver transplant
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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