Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
