a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
