Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
foreskin is a definite game changer
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
