who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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