im six kinds of drunk right now
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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