ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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