I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
