Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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