why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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